This is what happens in my spare time

Another tear is another memory wiped away.

I'm spending some time alone this weekend.

And I'm alone this Saturday evening enjoying a glass of wine, watching my little friend Louie walk about, and from time to time craving my attention.

I was watching a movie - "Mystic River". Before that it was "Mystery Science Theater 3000" that someone at work let me borrow.

I was better off watching MST3K - hilarious shit - totally my sense of humor.

Now I'm bummed from watching about a half of "Mystic River". It's a depressing movie to begin with, but add onto that that it's based in Massachusetts and I get all sentimental 'n shit.

So now I'm sad again.

Add the white wine into that earlier equation and of course I pull out my high school senior yearbook.

That was a mistake.

Now I'm even more bummed that I'm not back home.

I feel so conflicted. I LOVE living here in Alaska.

But shit, it's not home.

And the longer I live here, the more I like it. But there are still so many things about home that I crave.

The people, as hardened and as guarded and as jerky as they can be; the neighborhoods (they don't have New England-type neighborhoods here - who'da guessed); friends of course; and family - as if I have to say that.

Not to mention my memories and the history.

The pace of life here I adore. The scenery. Being away from "reality"?

Things are so different here. Much so from the "Outside".

As I delve deeper into my yearbook, the memories flood.

Good and bad.

Classmates here; classmates gone.

Classmates I still consider friends; classmates I consider acquaintances.

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That is what first prompted me to write.

From what I understand some people have been asking my Mother where I've been, why I haven't been writing.

Maybe this is why? Because if it's outta sight, outta mind.

I'm glad to be writing right now. Therapy?

I wish I was writing more. I haven't been devoting the time. The spare time I do have I've been reading - I have some great books to recommend if anyone is interested - working - working some more - and trying to keep things stable in my private life.

I've also been awaiting my sisters and brother-in-law's arrival. Just about five weeks away!! I cannot wait for them to come!!! To share with them my enthusiasm for this place and to have the benefits of their love, companionship and physical persons here at the same time?!?!?!!? Gosh!! I wish they were here for a month!! Never thought you'd believe that, huh Squirty?!?!

Tomorrow, Scott, Jilene and I hike to Byron Glacier. It should be a nice and easy one mile hike. It's supposed to rain all day tomorrow, so who knows how far we'll get. Hopefully an enjoyable day away from Anchorage, and from work.

With time like this alone it's nice to write my thoughts here. I hope it's not too much; but at the same time I hope it happens more often. It stinks because I feel like I have to be mildly conflicted in order to write, with time on my hands....lately I've been conflicted, but without the time.

I don't know what kind of future the blog will have. I hope many of you return for continuous posts, but I cannot guarantee that. I guess it depends on my mental state...or perhaps how I prioritze my time. If I have more alone time, in theory, I will have more blogging time.

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Let's hope tomorrow's weather holds and there'll be some new pictures on here of a "new to you" Alaska.